x-mas treat with the seurat

i found the last missing piece of "sunday afternoon on the island of grand matte" in the morning of x-mas. it was the best and most memorable treat ever 4x-mas! 3rd puzzle ever to complete happened to be the masterpiece of the avant-guard french pointilist. it's been always dramatic experience c jigsaw. the first was mona lisa's mosaic with david's wicked missing piece and tony's run-away piece. the second was tony's chewing piece and abandoned one with nyc sky scrape nite line. and the next completion was taj mahal, then came the third charm of sunday afternoon.

it's the beautiful pieces of colors and lights and impressionism.

i started feeling orange. i'll snap out of this depression and get ready for orange year.

i started praying this morning.

i'll work on becoming an orange, confident and sexy woman!

:)

2nd mid-life crisis

feeling miserable on x-mas eve..

methinks there's another stone placed in my chest.

how could one's life sink like this in no time?

i've been preoccupied with thinking about tony's bite.

and about next move with viet,

and a sudden appearance of albert....

the year we make contact: RiP

'ts been 9 years since.

they met again after 9 years apart in b4 sunset..

so this is the end of my cyber love story.

i let it go finally and decide not to make contact.

hope chem c viet will burn for the next 9 yrs.

love story will renew every 10 years.

10 days left for 2010.

therapy with shiva closed for the yr,

and will resume next yr when sem starts.

i started writing cards today,

starting with viv.

i'll write til i run out of cards.

therapy of some sort, for moi...

oh. my gpa is 3.63 as of today preF,

highest ever!

beautiful black finale

i was happy to be present at the ceremony.

i was the one exceptional one of 46 elmnies, who has fallen from the sky with the wings.

thinking back the first orientation and the first communication class,

this was the tremendous outcome of this group.

i was so happy that vietnam and i were pinning each other.

we look nice together in the photo.

this is the end of my black year.

elegant & beautiful black finale of the elmn year....

hole mole

lunch with viet was fun!

it wasn't as dramatic as i fantasized,

but the way he asked me to pin him was kinda sweet and unexpected..

wait-a-minute, i guess i got in the trap that he set up.

to come to think of it, the way he brought up dating some asian woman N everything,...

hmm kinda sneaky and CASA-esque, as well.

maybe i shouldn't be too excited,

and i should just play with a player.

i feel safe that i have albert side-kick.

he's good looking and sweet, but i know he's not really my soulmate.

or is he?! the way the nature unfolded around us was kinda accident-like.

i don't think i can ever hate him. like i did sam. i can never be friends with sam,

but i think i can be with viet. he'll be my first x that i'll keep in touch forever.

oh, email from sharon with a preceptorship placement in oncology unit was a life-saver!

stars started lining up for my spiritual jump.

yey! :D

therapy with shiva

my third experience with therapy wasn't bad at all.

we discussed about:

1. my recent loss/grief N confidence re-construction

2. my fascination with short life/sudden painless death

3. lack of relationship

i liked it to organize my thoughts with her.

started doing mona lisa puzzle of 518 pieces.

addictive than bubble bobble, sudoku.

think i'll stay up til i complete that puzzle.

yeah!

:D

*ps. since viet texted me about friday lunch yesterday, i can't stop thinking about it.

it could be 1. he wants me to be his g/f. 2. he wants to experiment sex with me.

3. he wants to enjoy the 1 mo break, or study buddy?? what else could it be???

:)

new decade as sofirn

my new passport came in mail today!

spent a day cleaning up my cyber mails

and russ' old mails made me miss him.

we def. clicked in cyber space, mentally and emotionally.

i did love him. it was a beautiful luv story.

so did love i david and film.

that was my perfect life, first life in sf, or 2nd life should i say..

film, burningman, david L, a, H, C and my lust of life russ.

george, kessler and wayne.

so this is my 3rd life.

my new decade will be filled with trips to foreign countries

and i'll finally have a life, full of dreams and pleasant surprises!!

house md finale

wow

house motivated me to wake up early.

to watch the last episode that i have.

trauma episode was brilliant.

i'm on the perfect ground to reconstruct myself.

time is bountiful and

i'll motivate myself qday.

until i finally become rn,

and become a graduate student

on a masterly ground.

stranger albert

guess i'm so brittle that i wanted to hold onto a straw.

distractor from v-man.

stranger to talk to about my personal crisis.

listening to my inner voice,

i can tell that i was looking for a fling.

deep down in my heart, i know he's looking for something indecent.

i don't believe that genuine friendship will spring from a dirty mind.

real time for a therapy session, indeed.

nclex review was fun, but i couldn't overcome the self-projected judgment.

what to do with this river of freedom with time,

but my mind is still in a gulag.

waiting to hear from getting into n454, starting on 1/24/11,

is my sole purpose to my dream state now.

blue smurfette

today's the official last day of my elmn4.

sort of sad that the day is tainted with b on presentation.

first time viet was in my dream this morning,

and the reality was so bitter.

he was an inventor dans ma dream, reminding me of tony, the different sort.

i have 3 tonys to come to think of it. hamster one, son one, and bm one...

:)

all the imaginary conversation and indecent fantasy were escaping through the blades of reality check. i felt truly miserable today.

maybe i was able to get through my personal tragedy with viet's fantasy.

memorable in that we had our group photo on the last day.

the one c d purple scarf....

yes, that's moi!

waiting in peace

c d help of tony & lisa, was able to finish the re-entry application just in time!

tony was really supportive and kind enuf to invite me to the pinning ceremony.

it gave me the courage to period this black year with grace & style.

everything is in beautiful order and i'm just waiting for the stars line-up.

i got support hugs from hanaan, natalya, viet, yan, sasha N tony!!!! :D

thanksgiving gulag

i enjoy having alotof time,

but my mind is in a gulag.

maybe i'll be in a peace

once i submit my re-entry application.

i am officially depressed.

the pain gets deeper, penetrating to my soul.

only the bubble bobble brings me back happy memories

and mind off my gulag.

i fancy death s causing any pains to my loved family....

happy blue

although i'm in the darkest cave in my life

i'm happy since the closed door opened other doors.

when it rains, it pours..

jeff's texts & emails plus vietnam's indecent lunch proposal

somehow brightened my spot in romance arena.

having some imaginary conversation with viet.

maybe i'll have some drizzle after 3 year drought.

let's not count the eggs yet,

although this feels like the last chance to tryst before my well dries up.

perfect chance...!

solace among elmn

disclosing my failure to my elmn colleagues brought me some relief.

vietnam's messages and efforts brought me some solace.

and i called caps to make an intake appointment.

the pain is deep in nature and it keeps growing.

i feel like i'm somehow repeating my old traumas.

have i ever grown from those experiences?

shiva is my new therapist.

my first was shannon.

wish me lucks with the new therapy sessions...

black birth inception

woke up with a headache,

but finishing inception dream of dream of the dream cleared it.

so came the beautiful idea of black birth.

great motif to break free from my old self and plant a seed to create new moi.

1. speedy

2. assertive

3. articulate

4. sexy

i will work on one by one.

new dreams are born.

i'll make a detour, but i'll eventually arrive there. time is abundant.

3 failures in OC: the first two turned out to be blessings,

so i expect the third to be the hidden luck in the dirt. :)

beautiful black fall

so it became official that i can't graduate in dec

and become RN at age 40. gone with the puff..

one benefit is that i'm off the hook & the stress of high speed for ever (hopefully maybe).

i'll have F on my transcript, but as tony says it's "repeat & erase",

it's not the end of my dream.

my gpa with F is still 3.3 beauty..

considering that i ace the research class. that is my goal.

my life is so dramatic. so i broke the record of failing 452. ha

everything that falls has wings.

my wings have been clipped now.

at least tony gave me a half hug and i finally got to talk to him. :)

off fast track, i have so much freedom and time! life shouldn't be stressful.

i'm making my life over! again!! :D

bloody black

i suppose today's my biggest trauma/failure in my life.

did not expect that i would get fired like this.

only 5 days ago, i thought i was at the zenith.

how dramatic is this?

still, this could be the best thing that happened.

at least i don't have to face with the "bitch" any more. ha

humiliation? embarrassment?

living in korea for 1 yr?

sounds good to me...

:)

double 7

this is my 7th, lucky ER day (3 day @saddleback + 3 UCIMC).

so i project this to be my day.

and i started the day with earning 1 more sleeping hour!

after having "not-so-good" day,

i realized ER would never be my specialty.

i firmly believe that i'm more icu personality.

oh well, 2 druggies hit on me at least...

;)

zenith of my dream

in 5 years since i impregnated my nursing dream,

i stand on the summit of my dream today.

got in the nursing school of my choice,

working at my dream place for my last rotation,

and am graduating as an honor student with the second bachelor,

being finally ready for the master level....

these are all lucky outcomes, to come to think of it.

all of my dreams of nursing career has come true, in fact.

so i'm happy. and i have a vague but positive feeling about my bright future.

i have new set of dreams about my life now in my 40s:

partner, house in hollywood, another son and even new dream about new career that springs off nursing.... i'll spring out of my black.

black

i surely felt this morning that i am depressed.

what do i do? i just go on i guess. what motivates me?

i need to reinvent myself. to survive.. i'm tired of old me.

want to immerse myself to studying so that i can at least have high scores.

and feel good. getting partner and house in l.a. finally working as a nurse,

these are my three dreams. i'm down...

iv 2myself

think i got some sick gene from the er.

i was kinda sick for the past few days.

so i poked myself to practice iv on myself,

it hurt and i bled a lot more than i planned.

so i know what it's like, and i get more nervous due to my experiment.

but i'll remember today and make it as a turning point.

nightingale, that is... what i'm aspiring to be.

now i'll become one busy bee.

giddy on the first day

my body is knocked out already,

but my mind is high.

don't know if it was many traumas,

many cute docs,

or cool preceptor,

but it turned out so much fun!

i have a good feelings about this!

:D

452 starts!

i don't think i was this nervous,

even on the first nite at the berkeley campus.

whew, first day at UCI ER,

what would it be like..?!

zoom in!

rainy health fair on the end of 402

my vitamin board didn't get any single compliment.

but i'm glad that it's all over. i did best with what i have.

so i seriously lack the artistic ability.

our group is really superb.

i celebrated the last day of public health with jean @s.w.r.c.

it was a loaded day.

now have a bliss of three days of freedom!

new RN identity was born!

so i created my dream identity.

it was a sign when i could create 3 original name on google, yahoo & hotmail.

i guess my 30s with sofibok is officially gone.

it spun off sofobok, sofoboco and originated from sofbok.

now i'm back to sophi + RN.

beautiful!

it was the final day of 402L.

i was in awe of jamie.

she's a multi-talented beauty.

i admire her. my true rival.

her cookie was otherworldly delicious.

her poster board was a pure artisan...

happy family

my dad was in the dream.

we were doing video and we were happy.

made me sad...

the weather has been grey lately for a few days.

drizzly and wet..

thought about okcupid a few days ago.

i guess my status at school is stable that i get to think about branching out myself.

i'm going to look at it when i'm done with 402.

w/o any expectation, still focused on NCLEX & RN..

talk c brenda

talked to brenda and my er rotation felt more reality.

i like her. she sounds like a good teacher and uci is a great educational environment.

plus i got a response from laurie and jison works there too.

with jean, natalya, and remi, we are the dream team!

lucy gave me the best assignment...

:D

highest ati

i'm still at level 2, but i'm quite satisfied with the ati outcome today.

in the history of my personal record with ati, it was the pinnacle.

except for my entrance score of teas top 5 %, the current 25 % is below my potential, actually.

but i'm encouraged as i narrowed the gap with jean by mere 6 points.

(only 3 questions to catch up!)

now i have confidence in my ability.

i am growing everyday.

after the teaching session,

i realized that i loved talking in front of the crowd with my accumulated knowledge.

100 days til NCLEX,

and i'll smile after i finish the test.

:)

teaching project

the biggest challenge of this session is done!

the only two regrets were that i couldn't answer vit C question with after i read the exact research paper in hand and that i gave a false blood pressure due to apparatus malfunction.

i should've been more confident.

at least, i didn't screw up anything big and got fantastic reviews.

bon!

felt like a star when i was speaking through the microphone in front of 50 audience.

i kinda liked the stage. teaching and leading kinda feel.

i felt super when people asking me questions and me answer them.

am glad that i had two chances with two completely different groups.

adds to my repertoire!

next is to tackle ati test...!

10x3

10.10.10, 10:10 am

i woke up.

wanted register at 1:11 pm.

this is the beginning.

it's never too late.

3rd yr: D111

got the epiphany in the morning of 3rd yr of my dad's RIP day.

13 + 30 + 31 +16 = 100!

so today is D101 til NCLEX.

to make it more dramatic,

i'll add 10 more days til 1/27,

then it becomes 111 days.

bon, born the plan...

thank you dad.

merci beaucoup!

my prayer will start today.

case study down

with the complicated case study down,

i'm down with wings.

next target is to nail down the teaching projects.

the past two days were down with rains.

purifying power. melancholic..

weekly S.R.W.C. routine

uh, it's like weekly date with jean at the gym.

today, i saw her becoming so enthused with gleaming eyes, talking about sam-gook-jee and other history stuffs...

it was so natural that we went into the swimming pool and had fun with water.

we spent 3 hours at the gym working out, but we lost track of time.

i feel so inspired to work hard with the new month.

teaching project will be my goal & challenge of this class!!

house rules!

devoured the 09 season of house in one sitting.

i was able to appreciate it more, right after the psyche rotation.

it was even better than one flew over the coockoo's nest.

house is my nursing school companion.

i feel good about everything today!!!!

the yr we make contact

10th year since the nine one one.

i'm still thinking about him once in a while.

methinks he's the one and only love of my life,

as we never made a bonfire out of the true love..

my immortal beloved cyber russ, i miss thee dearly!

fall resumes with brand new gym!

the fall sem officially began, with the come-back motif to phyllis.

felt so comfy to come back after 1 year of sleep-deprivation & stress-ridden elm.

celebrated the start of the last sem at the spanking new gym.

jean became my gym buddy and we enjoyed the biofeedback.

my body fat rose to 27 % to my horror.

am dedicating myself to everyday workout from now on...

this is a rare or the first solitude at malibu house.

so peaceful and happy.. i read lee-sahng's article and became nostalgic of my berkeley days with korean poetry class, 15 years ago.

i did have a great life, or rather extraordinaire and exquisite one: my film years, cyber dating era, and burningman days... my future nursing career is going to be the combo of all those wildness, science, creativity and challenge....!!!!

UCI preceptorship!

it feels like a dream that i got the most competitive UCI ER!

even if it's not ER, i'd love my preceptorship @UCI.

i have a feeling that Lucy favorably placed me due to my politeness.

or am i extremely lucky!

this sem is off to a good start.

i'm tying the knot tightly.

reading my last year's blog, i realized that i've survived well the past year.

ive become ever happier and fitter over the year,

and ready for new challenges. ready.... GO!

1 yr anniv of nursing school

new sem, new yr started.

first day of public health was so memorable!

everything is so satisfying at this moment...!

came back to A and summer r.i.p.

came back and the magic of infinity was in.

10 year anniv. of sore ass was another magic.

nostalgia of loss and another growth...

i'm ready for the new start tomorrow....

bloody rest

la times was fun!

sex and the city in l.a. avec arts.

i used to like laurie. i do like her as an artist!

free day 3

i spent 2 free days. well spent that is...

i treated myself to things that i've been hungry for.

massage, erotic movie, swimming, vietnamese noodle & wrap and sleep!!!

i'm going to l.a. today.

excited.

i'll plan my next 7 days, judiciously.

just like how i did with my last 7 days of my first nursing year.

that was my best shot. now it became a legendary turning pt,

i hope. i dream.. i aspire...

dramas avec elmn

i can't be more happy to dramatically end with 89.57 on psych.

the one question saved my life, but i actually worked hard since i failed the quiz.

i feel i deserve it, especially after i slipped from a on legal class by one question.

this is the make up call. just like critical care A, i made a psychologically thrilling A.

it makes my gpa infinite 3.55555....., a historic turn from deadly 3.4444....

just like i had an erroneous A, this is a cheater's A; but it justly compensate b on 353 and patho.

i do not have any qualms about my grades now. this is my real honor's position. truly happy!

now i have freedom for 10 days. hard earned precious.......

i learned hard lessons now.

i finally got above the average. i know i can work hard and be effective.

i will get straight As from now on. i just know how now.

suma cum laude and 4.0's legend will be accomplished in next master's dream.

oh, i tied with jean finally. all left is to beat her. i think i can do it.. hehe

:D

worst trough ever!

i guess this is the lowest point that i've ever got in my hx of nursing!

59, that is F!

with all the training of handling negative self-talk,

i think this is cathartic!

can't get lower than that. :)

i did my best after all.

i read. i mean, tried..

42.5 % is still remaining.

half full, it could be. i still can get A,

if i get A on final, and top score on ATI.

anything is possible...

yeah, strategy now is accepting myself.

and do my bestest for the next 7 days..!

oh, today's 9 year anniversary with sparky2.

the love is still strong and the new love with tony grew in the mean while.

bloody battle

am still 1 pt behind, but not going to be full at first spoon.

i'm happy that i read all the chapters and scored at least close to the mean.

realized that i felt confident since i read the material and it didn't feel so hard.

so the strategy is to finish reading, review with ati and study in a group b4 the test.

two more days of hillies...

i'll just enjoy this summer session.

i'll simply do my tasks at best.

i'll make up my shames of yesterday!

dad's b-day

almost forgot that it's dad's 67th day.

so it's the third yr since he passed away.

i felt a bit disgusted by jean's obsession with her score.

then i felt sad for my consistently low test scores, since...

i can remember. i didn't really excel this year.

so i decided myself that i'll give myself whole-heartedly this time.

i want to show that i can do as well, just like what raoul did.

or regardless of the test outcome, i am going to read all the chapters this time.

just being focused and doing my best is what i want to try.

happy birthday to you dad!

i'll dedicate the psych class to you...

first psych quiz revealed

psych was my subject. so was peds, to come to think of it..

i can only say i tried. maybe not my best, but within my normal limit...

in the past, i could've gotten a on 353 and the rest was served as justice.

right now, it's so very possible to get A on psych.

cannot settle with anything less than a.

i actually should get happy as i did okay without reading anxiety chapter.

now i get a second chance at the first mid-term.

this time, i'll catch up with the collective mass.

i'll score the average at least.

that is my current goal N aspiration..

oh, my last nite's dream was so vivid. i was crying with nicole as someone broke the window at hoei-ki-dong house. gang members came down and someone got cut with a knife and got attached to someone else to flee.. it was so weird that i woke up disturbed, then fell asleep again... :)

psyche N beyond

first week down with psych and health care delivery system.

spending 3 nites and 3 days with jean was fun.

indeed was like camping.

melike the new summer session with mentally ill and schizophrenic pts.

my passion lies in nursing and psychedelics.

studying is fun, reading is fun, being in school is the best thing for me right now...

peds N leadership rest in peace

leadership grade came out 2b 92.88 c my finance portfolio scoring whopping 14.5!

the last portfolio was my own baby with my solo efforts, so i was happy n proud of myself.

overall, things turned out as they should.

my rescue plan for vietnam didn't exactly pan out as i planned,

but i had to express myself.

my mind was frenzy on the wild journey,

but i liked dr. brady's note to my apology. it was a peaceful closure.

i was glad that my diplomatic writing moved her heart. ;)

now i'm moving onto psyche and the unknown world of healthcare delivery system.

this time, i'll make every effort to ace both classes.

just like every session, i have that vow again. yah!

i'm mentally preparing myself for another non-stop 6 week marathon.

this time, however, there's oasis at the end of tunnel. :D

peds show down

so the peds rotation is finally over. c happy end in the end for moi,

since i finally beat jean in overall score.. :D 98.2 in the lab boosted my grade to 83 % tot.

it was a long dream. vietnam at the failing border was quite unexpected.

but rather a good opportunity for him to grow. he was so full of himself!

and my rescue plan with his ironic motto of leave no one behind...

the highlight was the good bye kiss from my little pt jaiylene at the end of the day.

it was like an award for me from peds rotation. yes, i did love peds..! MCH and rebecca...

73

peds are almost over.

the damage wasn't too bad, considering i had a dream with a head chopped off the other day,

although it wasn't my head.

disappointed though that i'm still at level 1.

i thought of the possibility of failing ati during the test.

it was that scary.

i should be glad that my grade is still not c.

looking at the bright side,

i'm changing the strategy.

it was so close to a failing c for me.

am i that stupid, devoid of critical thinking?

why can't i have a high score on ati? even for once?!

nightmarish

on the brighter side,

i passed both test, barely.

that was super good actually.

on the down side,

i did study for this test, and i barely passed.

i relatively feel miserable...

so i have to nail down ati this time.

this will be the last challenge for moi, for elmn...

ELMN friend wishlist

1. david vien nguyen

2. vietnam vo

3. jean woo

4. sue yeon roh

5. esme

6. allen

7. rossana

8. natalya

9. mai

10. yan

nursing wish order

1. peds

2. PICU/NICU

3. ICU

4. ER

5. psyche

6. OR

7. tele

8. L&D

9. public health

10. gero

barely passed

so i screwed up my first test as the full-term baby. :D

was kinda expected since i felt least prepared for the test so far in the history of nursing school. only second to the second 200 test. so maybe i should be grateful that i passed at least.

i have 75 ground now. i felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

i wanted to be known to be one of the smartest in the class. esp. to myself.

it's more on the contrary now. i'm not in the tail end though.

that'll have to change. in the next 17 days left in peds.

in fact, i really like peds; even the unanimously dreaded dr. brady.

i think she's cute and has a fun sense of humor. imitator of all sorts of sounds..

i want to excel. it's about the time to shine..

on the last brady test, i'll get A for sure for last, that's my goal that i'll work on.

sleep is my biggest enemy. but i love myself including my enemy self.. :)

almost full-term baby

i become full 40 week nursing school baby this sat. half mark of peds session!

the first test was one question short of b, but i was satisfied.

with half the time to study for the test than the half of the class,

i hit close to the average with less than one point short,

so i'm quite satisfied today with my progress.

scored higher than the average on cv,

so i am proud and satisfied on that note.

kind of sunked on presentation today and it's something that i'll have to work on to conquer.

but i have the best peds instructor and i kind of like dr. brady.

i'll work hard to impress her now. i like my ER team members too.

realized today my classmates are all cool and smart.

i am happy in a gulag. :)

career dreams

1. math

2. chem

3. film

4. nursing

5. education

6. bzness

7. art

8. gardening

9. writing

10. traveling

nursing dreams:

1. ER

2. ICU

3. PICU/peds

4. NICU

5. OR

6. psyche

7. L/D

8. public health

9. med-surg

10. gero

metamorph in oc

this is my animated bohemian ideal...

two year old in oc on 5/31/10, memorial day..

i got the full fruit of orange county in 2 years.

scored 100 % on epic quiz and restored my face a bit.

tomorrow is the first clinical at MCH..

what's coming ahead, am making the most out of every moment.

metamorphing into a higher being...

pre-ped clearance

today's moab class was kind of fun, actually.

to my relief, i passed pre-clinical modules.

failed one quiz, but eventually i raised my score second time

and it's less embarrassing now.

worst part was that i got a bad clinical instructor for the first time.

so this is going to be a real challenging session for once,

and for all i hope.

that makes me only more determined to get A on peds.

i'm going to knock down nclex this time

and not going to fear any challenging tests.

i will score higher than the average both on exams and nclex and triumph with A.

challenge during clinicals will only make me stronger.

yeah, this is a good start to have the car wash serendipously on the first day in LB.

10grand

sparky2 finally turned 10grand yesterday,

on my way home from the gym.

now he runs 100099, what a dramatic number!

today was nightmarish to fail infection control "quiz",

and almost got sued due to tony's recklessness.

i'm losing my grip and confidence.

i am truly getting dumber,

since i'm at the tail end of the class.

it's a dooming feeling...

i can do it,

i can do it..

i can do it..!

father, help moi!!!!

20th calif age

my last ob/l&d day ended c memorable note of vaginal delivery after 16 hrs' labor.

o/n and over 2 days, crossing the nite.

lab grade turned out to be 98.75 %, approximating 99 %.

turned out that ob was a break pt in nursing program.

9 mos into program, finally gives birth to the mature nursing student.

funny coincidence to have susan mixing up me with jean and we were taking care of twins as our last mission and the way jean is sandwiched with two sophias.

last give from susan was 100grand and valentine memento..

she's sweet, shrewd and insightful. weird at times, but i liked her a lot.

what a coincidence that nadia gave birth by c/s on my last ob day and also on my 20th anniversaire? my american age is 20, my dead korean age is 20, my life is 40, my student nurse age is 9 mo equivalent to full term gestational age, then my youngest 11 malibu is 1 mo & 10 days. my current gpa points to remorseful 353. from peds on, i'll never hit 10 pts below the average. i'll be always prepared and raise my iq. i challenge the impossibles!

point zero/blank/passing

i was swearing not to get any b again last nite.

then i blew up ati on my standard.

has my glorious bright days are gone by in 90s,

and i'm bit dimmer now??

could i ever restore my think power house so that i feel good about getting high scores, hitting-better-than-my-peers kind of feeling..??

i feel so deflated to discover that i did even worse than the national average,

but i'm thankful that my score is passing.

i did half good this time at least.

i am getting As half of the times so far. that is superb.

but from now on, it's not just getting As.

it's about doing my best. aiming at suma cum laude of 3.76 plus hitting top 10 % of the class.

or even beating jean to be the smartest brain, highest score of this smart group.

yeah, that's what i'll be aiming for. that sounds more like me..

for sacrificing my entire 40th year of my life. i can do it. will do it.. will challenge that...

matter of common sense!

i feel so horrible to get b of 2 units by one question.

88.99 % was my final grade for legal.

it proves that i seriously lack common sense.

feel so stupid to miss common sensical questions that everyone doesn't even question.

there's def. some missing element of common sense in me.

but i did my best.

studying more wouldn't have helped it.

at least ob quiz was a and higher than the average.

if i march with all As til the end of program, i'll still have suma cum laude title with 3.76 instead of 3.7887. it aches and hurts. well, i guess it all evens out with critical care, the way i got A by .1 %. alrighty, i'll get over it and move on..

it'll be my mantra to ace every single subject from now on.

this will be a good motivation for me.

starting A

i'm quite content with my borderline a performance today.

officially i've outdone the class average by safe margin and consistently scored higher three times by now. all is left is to continue on ati and prove to be level iii.

that's my goal to challenge myself.

also ace the rest of the clinical performances, which is an essential task.

the only remorse is the lex-nex low score and i failed to tip on router guy, who filled my heart with internet at home. i'm back online and my heart started beating strong too.

i'll do my best on my last sprint to the finish line of this A march!

5/10/10

my dreaded nightmare didn't happen,

and i started off with an awesome half full.

i couldn't believe my eyes that i did better than the average.

88.33 % is a cool combination!

now i got energized for the tough week ahead.

will breeze through the other 1/2 of this session.

getting d on 331 final did harm to my psyche indeed.

i'll get it over and restore my critical thinking.

my triumphant a caravan will start from this point on.

i'll study hard for tomorrow's legal midterm and ace that down too.

so far, so good on both classes and i'm filled with rosy dreams now.

clinical instructor susan turned out to be best after all.

i'm indeed lucky this year. from critical ending in 331 to move to bohemian room on malibu,

and 88.33 % on first ob test. have a feeling that i'll end with double As. :D

5+5=10

OB first midterm started off as a disappointment.

not sure if i was able to do better with more studying.

does it mean my critical thinking sucks?

i still have chance to make it work, methinks.

i got half and half (hapa) with my grades, nursing program and my life.

i'll do my best, aiming at As to be a suma cum laude.

have all the conditions/stars/cosmic forces lined up for that.

i'll be a critical thinker using nursing process. :)

my dreams: sophia park, RN msn, ccrn, ed.d.

house in l.a., marriage in 12, my 4th dream is a student forever.

if my brain is failing me, i'll take it as my challenge.

there won't be any bs from now on. i'll always aim high, fly high and smile high!!!

40th!!!!

black,
blah,
gloom.
internet failed my heart.
but the big family celebrated my big day.
content.
moving on
on the other side...

happier than ever!

haven't got any work done for the past two days,

but i have no worries for now. is it micheys?

with the half wall filled with my books, movies, and music..

feel like my dream has come true half way.

this is the life that i envisioned.

my gpa is 3.46, officially honor.

suma cum laude is what i aspire.

what, i forgot about being cool about grades.

methinks, yesterday & today are the happiest moments since the beginning of the nursing program.

this is my dream! :)

dream came true

one week prior to my 40th,
found out that i surprisingly got critical a with 89.6 %!
i am soooo happy.
how lucky i am to have crossed the line by skin of teeth.
my black depression is being lifted,
and i'm thankful to everyone around me.
(laurie, tony, jean and myself!!!!)
with moving to my own room tomorrow,
things will face a new phase.
i deserve 2b assertive and confident.
hapa will face a mature life at her mid-pt.
ta da!!

critical care closed

what a disappointing final week of critical care?!

all cuz of final 89 %?

i decided to grow n not to care too much about grades.

maybe that's what was going to happen, as planned.

i felt like i had a brain damage when i failed the final.

also on my last ekg test.

for the past 6 mos, i can feel that my brain is degenerating.

is it reversible?

it'll challenge that.

3.29,

i finally let go of it.

i accept myself and

i'll simply do my best...

virgin er weekend

first day of ed was an excitement with angel.

second day was not bad with cool jeff.

2 IVs, 2 pum setup and code stroke was the highlight.

majority of er cases were chest pains, it turned out.

my cf presentation was pretty smooth, methinks.

i liked er and the dreaded iv start wasn't bad at all,

but i like icu better.

constant in & out nature of er was a bit dizzy.

i like focused care with more intimate interaction with pts.

big remorse cuz i didnot go back to ed for another iv to jeff.

didn't even said good bye to him.

maybe i'll try iv on me and write a thank-you card to jeff...

:)

2010: the yr we make contact

1. 2001: space odyssey

2. 2046

3. run lola run

4. yellow submarine

5. the city of lost children

6. sex & zen

7. sex & lucia

8. sex & the city

9. kika

10. les fugitif

11. drawing restraint

12. UP

13. nightmare b4 x-mas

14. waking life

15. team america

16. wallace & gromit

17. the little mermaid

18. chinese ghost story

19. nausicaa of the valley of the wind

20. s&m's sick&twisted animation festival

21. stardust memories

22. dancer in the dark

23. romeo & juliet (zeffirelli)

24. b4 sunset

25. paris, je t'aime

26. memento

27. memento mori ii

28. science of sleep

29. malena

30. funny face

31. 81/2 women

32. jean de florette

33. HOME

34. coraline

35. gone with the wind

36. akira kurosawa's dreams

37. mulholland dr.

38. la fille surse le pont

39. mj's this is it

40. slumdog millionaire

40 songs projet

1. i'll see you in my dreams

2. i just can't stop loving you -- mj

3. rainbow connection

4. graceful ghost -- george winston

5. blue danube -- strauss

6. o sole mio

7. o-rae-oh-rae -- kim jong seo

8. 3 waltz for piano op64 #2 #c -- chopin

9. piano concerto #2 & #3 -- rachmaninov

10. finlandia -- sibelius

11. piano trio e flat major d929 op.100 in barry lyndon -- shubert

12. my home town that i used to live is...

13. what a wonderful world -- louis armstrong

14. sous le ciel de paris -- edith piaf

15. watermark -- enya

16. entertainer -- scott joplin

17. stairway to heaven -- led zeppelin

18. pluto -- bjork

19. just because -- beatles

20. starting all over again -- john lennon

21. jealous tango

22. fitter happier -- radiohead

23. caravan -- duke ellington

24. pictures @ exhibition

25. i have confidence -- sound of music

26. as time goes by

27. release: afro-celtic, sinead o'connor

28. anjull -- hapa

29. devil in the kitchen -- ashley macisaac

30. prelude to afternoon of a faun -- debussy

31. utopia -- goldfrapp

32. cuban overture - gershwin

33. new world -- zap mama

34. cherie -- baaba maal

35. life on mars? -- seu gorge

36. miyake -- kodo

37. continuing story of the counterpoint

38. lugubrious gondola -- liszt

39. spring waterfall -- suso

40. creation of the cosmos -- philip glass

40 books project

1. luv is hell

2. art of seduction

3. story of o

4. general theory of love

5. microcerf

6. frankenstein

7. omnivore's dilemma

8. griffin & sabin

9. finding your own north star

10. sex manual from gv

11. wild dog: deul gae

12. tae baek mountains

13. re-te's yeon-ga

14. popcorn girl

15. cho-hahn-ji by go woo young

16. hwang-jin-i by kim dong hwa

17. horrific loner's club by lee hyun seh

18. black hole by huh young mahn

19. pikhal

20. red book by sera

21. romeo & juliet

22. me talking pretty one day

23. the little (a bit naughty) book of karma sutra

24. position of the day: expert edition

25. claiming of sleeping beauty

26. beloved

27. 1000 yrs of solitude

28. harry potter series

29. perfume

30. lord of the rings trilodge

31. my year of meats

32. eat pray love

33. the penis book

34. brave new world

35. manufacturing consent

36. story of 1001 nights

37. does android dream electric ships?

38. selfish gene

39. tao-the way

40. candy candy

tony's 4th

40 friends project:

1. viv & ty

2. heji & crees

3. rocel & jason

4. jenjen & rob

5. bong & yo

6. rob & nadia

7. doug

8. jong hwan

9. hee jean

10. tony

11. andy

12. jon

13. guppy

14. francia

15. james

16. nahm jung hyun

17. joy

18. shume

19. jison

20. hyoung mi

21. soo jung shin

22. jean woo

23. wayne

24. reyna

25. margaret

26. laurie baumgartner

27. marr

28. zoval

29. jimmy

30. qi

31. sean & christina

32. chung & xl

33. jess & manching

34. sue yeon roh

35. kristen

36. behnaz

37. albert

38. laurent g.

39. charles

40. russ....

mum's 68th

mum's b-day befell during spring break luckily.

had a swell time with family and perm party.

feel well rested and rejuvenated.

am ready to indulge myself in studying for the next 21 weeks?

sofobok in wonderland

treated myself to tim burton's 3d screen.

wasn't a wow film but satisfactory though.

feel like i was in wonderland in nursing school.

331 will be the turning pt for me.

40th b-day is only 30 days away.

excited about 7 days' free style.

in luv c 331

today's viv's 36th b-day!!!

yesterday's culmination of my dream career path.

after that initial moment of my nursing passion conception in 05,

my dream finally crystalized out in saddleback ICU.

it's prob. the combi of A on lecture test, 100 on my first CIS, wrapping the dead body of CF, successful virgin NG tube insertion and gettin' asked out by jeff at midnite.

feels like nursing and i are match made in heaven.

just like park-kyoung met her love in life c he-soo, i found my luv in nursing. it's like luv c myself. the romance will come organically as well. the luv c myself will lead me to find the soulful partner too! i'll know when things feel right for me. i can see that i'll make a turning point on 331 and finally start ace-ing from now on. i'll march right on til my dreams come true one by one to the final RN, MSN, ACNP-BC and CCNS. :)

close to my intellectual side

had a date with jean yesterday.

my first test on 331 was not a, but i'm taking one step at a time.

at least my ati test was 68 %, which is 10 % boost from the last time.

i am proud of myself and got inspired by the study buddy.

i'll say 331 is in the safe zone for now... :)

and my intellectual side met the match with jean.

i'm more of a rounded intellectual than she,

so i feel better about myself. i have my style!

i'll nurture my unique style. it's like noir mystere..

:D

pie day

laurie is the best clinical teacher that i can hope for.

her cultural sensitivity post-conference was brilliantly stimulating.

this is where my passion resides in, but i'm still shameful not to be pouring my passion in.

i am going to try 100 % on the first test.

i want to ace it so badly this time. i will try my best at the least...

kiss of death

well, never a dull moment in ICU..!

i witnessed code blue today. saw the dead body for the first time "in hospital".

guess my dad was the first time. so is my career dedicated to him.

matter of life and death is so transcendental.

the thought of seeing the spinal chord surgery thrills me.

even witnessing the death was intriguing.

felt like it hit the spot for me today.

this is it, that i want to do.

critical care in ICU, that'll be my ultimate destination.

to go there, i'll sacrifice myself til the end of the first test for 4 days!!D

queen's wed

3.7.10

things lined up today.

queen's going to make a commitment second time in her life.

i like critical care indeed and can imagine doing that as my primary interest.

margaret became my 44th fb friend. i'm moving onto please laurie now to become her friend.

i'm going to celebrate queen's marriage...

250 closed c 88.5

alas,

turned out that i was so close to a in fact.

my gpa as of today is 3.35, which is not bad.

if i ace all the courses til the end of spring,

my gpa will be 3.8,

yes, everything is about grade for me,

as i don't have any life outside school.

the first step is to finish 200 page reading assignment for the first day.

hail to 331! i like the number combination...

:D

250 final c knowlwood

so another period is down.

the last huddle is 331. 200, 250 then final monument is critical care.

even the misfortune of first tix c sparky will be thought of as low that will precede highs.

the final week of 250 clinical was 3 days' week with wound care and leadership.

got some experience with charge nurses and meeting with my old patients with more amputations. i had two diabetes pts with amputations, two knee surgery pts, and a stroke pt were memorable. foley cath and im injection were my virgin tries.

i was crying when i was handing over the gift to margaret. i really liked her and final lunch at knowlwood. ellen was inspirational and i finally started liking working in the hospital a lot.

vietnam thought i was married. how funny! tingly discovery that he doesn't want to have kids. yuna kim's figure legend was stimulating story. right fertilizer for my 331 motif. pre-birthday celebration! so i think i'll spend my precious two days of freedom prepping and reading for 331. two months left til my 40th...!

the perfect day

i finished off my last 250 quiz c 100.

what a triumphant!

so i'm starting today. my sincere life, my best try and treat to myself.

i'll remember this every single day for two months.

will pray, love and thrive!!!

jeff called me yesterday. y??

sam called me the other day asking me to buy the ms office.

he's indeed clueless. i'm so much moved on...

yeah, i'd be happy alone than with miserable with someone below soulmate!

first im

well, i was very productive at the clinical in terms of getting skills down and practicing new skills, like foley cath and im injections, but not without some grain of salts. the first shot somewhat gave the pain to the pt and i resent that. i feel bad but lucky enough to have a kind client.

gerald, i'll remember him for my first im victim. :) patrick was my first virgin foley, so i'll remember him too. i gave myself bad behavioral grade and that was stupid... i blew off 10 % of my grade! in some way, i feel compensated for today's guilt. in the end, i know that i'll walk away with b and i'll shine in critical care. so i got to do ng tube feeding and accu check very comfortably, the isolation, subq inj, insulins and chartings... i can do better.

methinks i'll remember the smell of diarrhea, fortunate or unfortunate..

i devoured 3 episodes of house md today, but couldn't study at all for some reason.

new sincere leaf

the damage wasn't too bad and i'm at 80 for 250 now.

so i can do my last sprint warm up for 331.

i am totally serial. :)

two weeks of clinical and one last midterm that i have chance to make over..

well, the class did 83 and i couldn't have gotten a even if i had the class average.

so i don't feel so bad after all.

i'll feel super good if i catch up and finally score a at critical care.

yes, that is my mission that i'll hold my 40 years' maturation for.

i'll prove that i can do it. prove that my mind can still achieve and excel.

i'll reclaim my top 5 % status in the program on ATI test.

the first baby step is to get both As on the last quiz and the last test.

i can do it.

i will lead the way, ahead of the group. will be an A student!!!

this is it inspires

the midterm was a failure, but i did my best.

did i?

MJ's last rehearsal was inspirational for moi.

i am going to really try for critical care.

for my 40th year, for my birthday gift.

this is it, that i'll try really hard to get a.

maybe not to get a, but to try hard to do my best.

one memorable run on my 40th day, on culmination of my college years.

long stretched, 1+3+3+2.5+1.5 = 11 years?! :O

discussion with grad advisor was interesting too,

right in time... joy goebel is an excellent professor.

the best one, so far we had..

valentin's + new year's

well, turned out that i'm only level ii,

and i belong to the bottom half of the class with ATI test.

still, i like the combination of 88 + 77.3

although i failed 3 times on quiz,

i remember that i always did well after i failed,

so i hope again today for tomorrow.

i can still get A if i raise my current score to 85.

i need to get about 88 on midterms and 90 X 3 for the quizzes.

methinks i can do it.

dad will be helping me, and i'll help myself.

tony will inspire me and i'll do my best.

the rest is not up to me...

happy new year to me!

happy valentine's a moi!!

sigh of relief with 250

ATI test turned out okay, marking 73.3 %

what's significant was that i was above the class average at least.

considering i was at top 5 percentile of the program,

this current track is a bit of a slip,

but i'm confident that i'm building the solid ground now.

methinks it's since the winter N312 course.

although i ended with slightly below the average,

now I finally reached higher than the mean on both ATI and midterm.

one more significance is that i improved 25 % since last october,

and 15 % since the practice two weeks ago.

so let's celebrate and gallop!!

although i got C on victoria's careplan, the grade turned out A

and let's think i was lucky that she did not grade it til now. :D

7 to 27

it somewhat demoralized me to learn that "they" dropped mike.

how easy it is to lose what we have worked for so hard..

i'll pray, study and strategically maximize my time.

will use all my best to zip through all my huddles til the end of spring.

praying to dad, praying to pyramid, and praying to my inner goddess...

my new religion

coco left..

i have a new religion now. i pray to dad. i meditate with him, converse with him and ask him to takc after me. he has listened so far. i'm going to channel my spirituality to connect with my inner self and core. dad will guide me, dad will give me wisdom and he will give me his talents to enhance me. i'll be a better person with him inside me.

thank you dad!!

:)

i have my new goal now. i'll have a for 250 and beat jean. ha

dad, help me to be smarter and confident..!

dad answered my prayer!

i want to believe that dad gave me 100 % on the quiz today.

i feel somewhat safe and relieved now to think that he's looking after me.

i finally realize that praying works.... :)

plus i recovered my first quiz and i wasn't the lowest score on the second one.

father will give me the wisdom tomorrow and i'll do fine, actually get A,

i hope, i pray and i thrive..........

winter closure

first week of clinical was tiring, but i was lucky to have margaret!

312 had a closure with B/A that i'm happy with.

my gpa as of today is 3.47, which is approximated to 3.5

my 250 goal is 85 %. higher than class average is my goal.

will pray.

will work hard..

will do my best...

my very best to raise my intelligence....

ha :]

breakthrough F

i even meditated this morning,

and i safely flunked the 2nd quiz!

is this anomaly? or breakthrough low?!

perfect failure???

:)

will get over it and study hard 2 do my best.

will make a realistic goal of 85/95 to reach A.

will think of this as a + stimulant to better myself.

two mentra to myself:

i will successfully become an excellent nurse.

will reach my goal of becoming a critical care CNS.

will remain 3.3 gpa undergraduate to enter msn.

will be competent and confident in hospitals!!!

new 250 era has arrived!

N312 has closed its door avec b. 82.9 % is slightly higher than the class average of 82.5 %.

tada!! my mission has been accomplished finally. the final score was 1 pt behind the mean,

but i'm happy at this point. if i end with a on lab, i can close my winter chapter with big grin.

although i turned out to be an average of the class... of highly intelligent group, that is..!

:))

N250 is overwhelming already. the teacher is the best that we can hope for..,

but she still can't make our life easier. it's the flat out fact that this year will be packed with stress til the end of "it". exactly for an yr til i pass the ultimate "NCLEX"!!!

N250's end goal is a. yeah, i'm going to run this time. i'll hang my life on it. :D

first A, turned out?!

methinks, this is the historical moment of my first in-class A of nursing?!

wahoo!!!

the first n200 test was the highest of 88, and the last patho was the lowest of 68.

with the 88.8 % of patho average and the final grade of A on n200,

i am satisfied, achieved and fulfilled.

the rest was in-between and the labs were all As.

so i'm in a good shape after all,

geared for all aces from now on.

i'll enjoy the pure pleasure of expanding my knowledge base and challenging the unthinkable.

tony is my role model now..

i'm starting on the middle ground, neutral point.

will make the difference from now on. sharpen my memory and mental acuity, yah!!

:D

failed again?

read twice and i slightly failed..

though i started safe this time,

my test taking brain is fluctuating again,

and i dumped second time.

sad, and feeling stupid.

i'm too obsessed with grades these days.

just want to pass with b now.

will forget about it and move on..

will do it. this is the mantra to myself..

will make it possible til i go thru all of these.

read read read and confident confident confident

reaching perfection

my first quiz turned out 2b mere b,

just slightly over the average..

but it's still within my goal's reach.

he, started with above the average..

tony wasn't kidding about reading 3 times.

that's the only way that i could retain this kind of detailed insane cosmic library of health knowledge.

ha, i'll reach the study perfection by the end of this winter term..

:)

first quiz ok

i missed some questions on my first n312 quiz,

but i'm satisfied. i would've got 1 miss, but instead i missed 2.5.

so i think this winter session will sail smoothly,

as long as i keep up with reading and manage my stress.

i'm proud that i haven't got sick yet.

turns out that i'm immuno-competent

and stress-resistant. robust and fit!!

:D

first sem gpa revealed...

so was it an error that i got a for n200?

it made up for patho.

turned out that patho was the only subject that screwed me.

i failed the final with shameful d, but overall i'm happy.

eventually my gpa is 3.5 (3.3 avec error correction).

n200, 202, 260l are az, and patho & pharma are bio classes after all!

yey, the year started off content!!

:D

new year, new moi

new year's day opened with talk with viv.

she always inspires...

visited rose hill to dad's bed to wish him peace,

and mostly to ask him to look after me.. :)

i venture into

20th year since we cam to us, the dream land.

40th year since i was born.

mid year of my 80/88/99 year long life.

will do my best every day of 2010..........