x-mas treat with the seurat

i found the last missing piece of "sunday afternoon on the island of grand matte" in the morning of x-mas. it was the best and most memorable treat ever 4x-mas! 3rd puzzle ever to complete happened to be the masterpiece of the avant-guard french pointilist. it's been always dramatic experience c jigsaw. the first was mona lisa's mosaic with david's wicked missing piece and tony's run-away piece. the second was tony's chewing piece and abandoned one with nyc sky scrape nite line. and the next completion was taj mahal, then came the third charm of sunday afternoon.

it's the beautiful pieces of colors and lights and impressionism.

i started feeling orange. i'll snap out of this depression and get ready for orange year.

i started praying this morning.

i'll work on becoming an orange, confident and sexy woman!

:)

2nd mid-life crisis

feeling miserable on x-mas eve..

methinks there's another stone placed in my chest.

how could one's life sink like this in no time?

i've been preoccupied with thinking about tony's bite.

and about next move with viet,

and a sudden appearance of albert....

the year we make contact: RiP

'ts been 9 years since.

they met again after 9 years apart in b4 sunset..

so this is the end of my cyber love story.

i let it go finally and decide not to make contact.

hope chem c viet will burn for the next 9 yrs.

love story will renew every 10 years.

10 days left for 2010.

therapy with shiva closed for the yr,

and will resume next yr when sem starts.

i started writing cards today,

starting with viv.

i'll write til i run out of cards.

therapy of some sort, for moi...

oh. my gpa is 3.63 as of today preF,

highest ever!

beautiful black finale

i was happy to be present at the ceremony.

i was the one exceptional one of 46 elmnies, who has fallen from the sky with the wings.

thinking back the first orientation and the first communication class,

this was the tremendous outcome of this group.

i was so happy that vietnam and i were pinning each other.

we look nice together in the photo.

this is the end of my black year.

elegant & beautiful black finale of the elmn year....

hole mole

lunch with viet was fun!

it wasn't as dramatic as i fantasized,

but the way he asked me to pin him was kinda sweet and unexpected..

wait-a-minute, i guess i got in the trap that he set up.

to come to think of it, the way he brought up dating some asian woman N everything,...

hmm kinda sneaky and CASA-esque, as well.

maybe i shouldn't be too excited,

and i should just play with a player.

i feel safe that i have albert side-kick.

he's good looking and sweet, but i know he's not really my soulmate.

or is he?! the way the nature unfolded around us was kinda accident-like.

i don't think i can ever hate him. like i did sam. i can never be friends with sam,

but i think i can be with viet. he'll be my first x that i'll keep in touch forever.

oh, email from sharon with a preceptorship placement in oncology unit was a life-saver!

stars started lining up for my spiritual jump.

yey! :D

therapy with shiva

my third experience with therapy wasn't bad at all.

we discussed about:

1. my recent loss/grief N confidence re-construction

2. my fascination with short life/sudden painless death

3. lack of relationship

i liked it to organize my thoughts with her.

started doing mona lisa puzzle of 518 pieces.

addictive than bubble bobble, sudoku.

think i'll stay up til i complete that puzzle.

yeah!

:D

*ps. since viet texted me about friday lunch yesterday, i can't stop thinking about it.

it could be 1. he wants me to be his g/f. 2. he wants to experiment sex with me.

3. he wants to enjoy the 1 mo break, or study buddy?? what else could it be???

:)

new decade as sofirn

my new passport came in mail today!

spent a day cleaning up my cyber mails

and russ' old mails made me miss him.

we def. clicked in cyber space, mentally and emotionally.

i did love him. it was a beautiful luv story.

so did love i david and film.

that was my perfect life, first life in sf, or 2nd life should i say..

film, burningman, david L, a, H, C and my lust of life russ.

george, kessler and wayne.

so this is my 3rd life.

my new decade will be filled with trips to foreign countries

and i'll finally have a life, full of dreams and pleasant surprises!!

house md finale

wow

house motivated me to wake up early.

to watch the last episode that i have.

trauma episode was brilliant.

i'm on the perfect ground to reconstruct myself.

time is bountiful and

i'll motivate myself qday.

until i finally become rn,

and become a graduate student

on a masterly ground.

stranger albert

guess i'm so brittle that i wanted to hold onto a straw.

distractor from v-man.

stranger to talk to about my personal crisis.

listening to my inner voice,

i can tell that i was looking for a fling.

deep down in my heart, i know he's looking for something indecent.

i don't believe that genuine friendship will spring from a dirty mind.

real time for a therapy session, indeed.

nclex review was fun, but i couldn't overcome the self-projected judgment.

what to do with this river of freedom with time,

but my mind is still in a gulag.

waiting to hear from getting into n454, starting on 1/24/11,

is my sole purpose to my dream state now.

blue smurfette

today's the official last day of my elmn4.

sort of sad that the day is tainted with b on presentation.

first time viet was in my dream this morning,

and the reality was so bitter.

he was an inventor dans ma dream, reminding me of tony, the different sort.

i have 3 tonys to come to think of it. hamster one, son one, and bm one...

:)

all the imaginary conversation and indecent fantasy were escaping through the blades of reality check. i felt truly miserable today.

maybe i was able to get through my personal tragedy with viet's fantasy.

memorable in that we had our group photo on the last day.

the one c d purple scarf....

yes, that's moi!

waiting in peace

c d help of tony & lisa, was able to finish the re-entry application just in time!

tony was really supportive and kind enuf to invite me to the pinning ceremony.

it gave me the courage to period this black year with grace & style.

everything is in beautiful order and i'm just waiting for the stars line-up.

i got support hugs from hanaan, natalya, viet, yan, sasha N tony!!!! :D